Denny’s Denny’s Denny’s: a Beetlejuice horror

When we found out that Denny’s was coming out with the Afterlife Menu modeled after the upcoming Beetlejuice movie, we were stoked. We couldn’t wait to enjoy what seemed to be drop dead delicious items to get into the mood to enjoy the movie coming out this Friday. It wasn’t until we tried the food that we realized it wasn’t delicious, but dead as a doornail.

When we first arrived at Denny’s, the realization set in that we would have to ask the waitress for the entire Beetlejuice menu, which would seem very odd coming from two high school students. Unsurprisingly, when we ordered our food, she seemed very confused and even said, “What?” to which we were lost for words.

At this point, we were still very excited to receive our creepy cuisine.

 

1. Cookies and Scream Shake 

The first item that came out was the Cookies and Scream Shake. This item speaks for itself, but it also includes signature green sprinkles and Denny’s whipped cream.

Alexa (8/10): 

The shake started out pretty good, I mean, how could you go wrong with a cookies and cream shake? However, the longer we sat at the restaurant, the more melted the ice cream got, and the cookies began to turn into mush, which was not a pleasant texture on the tongue.

Jessica (7/10):

For some reason, half of the shake came out in a metal shaker that, when placed on the table next to the regular shake topped with whipped cream and sprinkles, looked concerningly like radioactive run-off. Despite this, the shake still tasted pretty good! It was a bit thin, however, which allowed the cookies to absorb all the liquid in their vicinity and become a mushy mess, which belongs six feet under.

 

 

2. Say It Three Times Slam

All three of the entrees came out at the same time, but we decided to try the Say It Three Times Slam because it was breakfast-esque. This meal comes with three silver dollar pancakes covered in chocolate chips, cream, and of course those signature green sprinkles, as well as three strips of bacon or sausage (we chose bacon) and three eggs your way (which we got over easy).

Alexa (3/10):

We started with the eggs first, since it seemed like they couldn’t be messed up, which was a good choice because they were delicious! We then went to the bacon, which was floppy (just the way I like it)! When we got to the pancakes, though, was when it went downhill for me. The pancakes somehow managed to taste like absolutely nothing, the only flavor coming from the bitter chocolate sauce on top. The chocolate chips also hadn’t melted, making for an uncomfortable hardness every so often.

Jessica (4/10):

Of everything on the Afterlife Menu, these eggs were my favorite. Over easy is my go-to style, and these eggs did not disappoint! However, I do wish there was some toast or something similar included to dip in the eggs. The bacon, on the other hand, was greasy and soggy, but to be fair, I’m usually a bacon hater anyway. The pancakes were mediocre and the semi-sweet chocolate chips on top were weirdly large when compared to the tiny pancakes and left a slightly bitter taste in my mouth.

 

3. The Afterlife Melt

The next item we decided to try was the Afterlife Melt, because it was lunch-esque (sensing our theme?). This meal consisted of essentially a grilled cheese sandwich with mozzarella sticks in the middle and a side of fries.

Alexa (7/10):

I absolutely love mozzarella sticks, so I hoped that I would love this melt. The flavors themselves were fine to me, but it was unsettling how unmelted the cheese on the melt was, which made for an uncomfortable texture. It was also incredibly impressive how much the fries were able to taste like nothing.

Jessica (3/10):

This dish worried me from the beginning. Don’t tell me those sticks don’t look concerningly like teeth! But unfortunately, there wasn’t any bite to this meal; in fact, it was quite the opposite. I don’t expect a melt (something I struggle to call this meal since neither the mozzarella sticks nor the American cheese slices were any warmer than room temperature) to have much flavor, but there wasn’t even any dipping sauce, which felt like a crime against mozzarella sticks. The fries also left much to be desired. They were thick and very lightly salted, and their cut was a strange mix between steak and crinkle-cut fries. It felt less like I was eating fries and more like I was eating little sticks of sad mashed potatoes.

 

4. Beetlejuicy Burger

Our last item on the menu was the Beetlejuicy Burger. On-top of three beef parties was bacon, provolone cheese, signature Diner Q sauce, pickles, onion, tomatoes, and lettuce all between a brioche bun. It also came with fries. 

Alexa (5/10):

I’m not usually a fan of burgers, so I wasn’t really expecting to enjoy this one. The meat itself was okay, and I appreciated that they didn’t use the typical American cheese, but the signature sauce ruined it for me. The sauce was incredibly sweet (sweeter than the chocolate sauce from earlier for sure) and it tainted the flavor of the whole burger. The fries still tasted like nothing. 

Jessica (4/10):

A burger with three patties is a guaranteed way to summon a hauntingly bad meal. It’s just too much—both in the amount of food they provide and in the meat-to-topping ratio. All I could taste was beef. Even though when we cut the burger in half, I wound up with pretty much all the toppings, it wasn’t enough to balance out the overwhelmingly heavy and greasy meat. On top of this, the burger was unpleasantly sweet and the pickles did not match the flavor profile of the rest of the burger at all.

 

Final thoughts: 

Now, our final rankings. Which meals were ghoulishly-good, and which ones were ready to be buried alive? 

Alexa: 

1. Cookies and Scream Shake 
2. The Afterlife Melt
3. Beetlejuicy Burger 
4. Say It Three Times Slam

Jessica: 

1. Cookies and Scream Shake
2. Say it Three Times Slam 
3. Beetlejuicy Burger
4. The Afterlife Melt

Although we had a great time together trying these questionable edibles, we do not recommend paying the $45.32 they ran us. And besides, most of these meals are better off dead. 

Stay tuned for The Conant Crier’s review of Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, coming soon!